So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
