i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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