All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
