i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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