It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
