I am in a vortex of obligation.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
