How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I understand Curling. That high.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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