What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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