I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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