people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
