So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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