I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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