So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
