After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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