My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
