5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
