Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
