is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
