We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
