Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize