Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
