seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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