Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm too high and old for this...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
