My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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