Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
