Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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