So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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