someone get that fucking seahorse.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
