Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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