probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
