I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
