Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
