He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The best revenge is premature balding
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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