I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
