The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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