Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
