I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
