What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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