he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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