Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
