get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
