I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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