I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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