just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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