I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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