I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
