If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
