It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
