Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
