five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
