I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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