sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
