it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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