You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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