I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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