oh god the rape fog is back!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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