we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
