I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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