I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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