Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
