oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
