I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
