listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize