I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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