if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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