So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
