It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
