Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
