Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
