I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
