I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
