What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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