Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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