i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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