this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i think my cat just said my name.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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