I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
As shirtless as possible
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
