So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
