Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
