I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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