im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
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Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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