dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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