You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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