you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
