drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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