before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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