This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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