Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
