Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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