shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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