I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
