i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
