have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
